


Too Many Robots

by hhf23



Category: The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe, Bruce buys too many robots, Butterfingers - Freeform, Crack, Dum-E - Freeform, Gen, Roombas, Steve is so done, Tony is Clueless, one too many robots, robot mayhem
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-07
Updated: 2020-08-07
Packaged: 2021-03-05 22:14:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,669
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25762705
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hhf23/pseuds/hhf23
Summary: Bruce buys a roomba because it is "cute". After he and Tony set it up, things get a bit whacky and chaos ensues! Special appearance of Alpine the cat too!!
Comments: 1
Kudos: 6





	Too Many Robots

**Author's Note:**

> You asked for a hilarious fic about a roomba, here you go!! An anon wanted a fic about Bruce buying a roomba so...here goes nothing! I literally have no idea what the heck I wrote but here is the fic that is just ridiculous! Enjoy!

Bruce loves robots. More so than Tony does so everyone blames him when it comes to all the robots they have in the compound. No one was the least bit surprised when Bruce came home with yet another one.

“Hey guys!! Look at what I got!!” Bruce exclaimed as he walked into the room with a box.

“Oh no...please don’t tell me you raided a lab and got more gamma stuff...” Natasha groaned.

“No!! I got a roomba!” Bruce replied.

“Bruce!! We already have fourteen different robots!!” Sam exclaimed. “Two of them are the ever so awesome Dum-E and Butterfingers!”

Dum-E and Butterfingers chirped happily and made their way to greet Bruce.

“Hey guys! This will be a part of your new little family!” Bruce cooed as he pat the bots.

“Steve...what the fuck is a roomba??” Bucky asked.

“Seriously? How the hell am I supposed to know?” Steve asked.

“Uh oh! Steve said the “h” word!” Clint chortled as Steve glared at him.

“Well, I will happily enlighten you fossils.” Tony began as everyone giggled. “A roomba is a little vacuum thingie that will help us out. I mean how many of you hate cleaning the damn floors?” Everyone’s hands raised and Tony nodded. “See? No one likes mopping floors!”

“Especially when someone doesn’t put the signs out...” Rhodey grumbled.

“Hey!! I’m sorry but I wake up at five in the morning when it’s my turn to clean!” Wanda shot back.

“I hope it doesn’t end up spying on me in the shower...I doubt anyone would wanna see my...” Clint began before being cut off.

“CLIIIIIIINNNNTTT!!!” the team shouted in disgust.

“OKAY!!! Brucie, let’s go set up little Roomba!” Tony said, quickly ushering Bruce to their lab.

##  **————————**

Bruce and Tony began to set up the little robot and began an innocent discussion of why there is now a roomba running around.

“So...why did you buy Roomba?” Tony asked.

“Why not? ROOMBA IS SO CUTE!!” Bruce exclaimed as he held the robot up.

“We didn’t even turn it on...” Tony deadpanned. “Plus, it looks like a fucking pancake...I don’t think pancakes are cute...”

Bruce gasped and stared at Tony like he just cussed out his mother. “Don’t call Roomba a pancake!! He is cute!!!”

“Mhm...yeah sure, put a bow on the pancake robot while you’re at it.” Tony replied with a snort. 

“Hey! At least I came home with a robot and not a bunch of pigeons like Sam did. Or the time Bucky came home with an entire litter of kittens...still can’t believe you let him keep one of them.” Bruce replied. 

“Oh come on! Alpine is a cute kitten!” Tony argued. 

“The kitten is a monstrosity...”

“No she isn’t!! Alpine is adorable!!”

“She hates me and Clint...”

“But she loves Barnes and Romanoff...”

Bruce rolled his eyes and began to set up the functions while Tony did a few small adjustments on the controls. Bruce hoped that this wouldn’t turn into another Ultron incident. He really didn’t want to kill this little adorable thing. 

“I know what you are thinking and no, Roomba won’t be another Ultron issue.” Tony replied. “Okay! Let’s turn it on.”

## ——————

The robot was set up and began its little journey around the whole house cleaning and doing other little tasks the Avengers wanted it to do. Not an hour later, Tony and Bruce were tinkering with their gadgets and heard a shrill scream followed by hysterical laughter. 

“OH MY GOD!! POOR DUM-E AND BUTTERFINGERS!!” Peter giggled.

“TONY!! BRUCE!! GET IN HERE!!” Natasha shouted through her laughter.

Tony and Bruce ran out of their lab and came across the three robots in a cat and mouse chase around the common room. Butterfingers was chirping frantically, indicating that he was scared and Dum-E was angry and cussing Roomba out.

“Hey!! That’s not nice Dum-E! What? No! Tony wouldn’t put an Ultron programming in Roomba!” Bruce gasped.

“I sure hope not!” Steve sneered. “I don’t wanna fight an army of A.I. again!”

“Please tell me that’s not what you did...” Bruce whispered.

“I told you I’d never give an Ultron programming to any of my robots!” Tony gasped in offense.

“WHEEEEEEEEEEE!!!” came Butterfingers frantic whirring as Roomba chased him around the common room.

Roomba and Butterfingers got to the stairs and suddenly, the vacuum robot pushed Butterfingers over the edge. The rest of the robots in the compound all began to chirp angrily or in a terrified way.

“Oh no...BUTTERFINGERS!!” the team gasped as they watched the robot tumble down the stairs.

A frantic chirp let the team know that he was okay after he landed at the bottom of the stairs. Thankfully, he didn’t break, but he was cursing Roomba along with the thirteen other little bots.

“Oh thank God!” Bucky panted, holding his hand to his heart. “I fucking love Butterfingers and literally would be crying if he died!”

Roomba made a sound that reminded Steve of an evil cackle and glared at the robot.

“Don’t Steve. Don’t kick the robot...” Sam whispered as he held Steve back.

“Roomba isn’t worth fighting Steve. I don’t want to have to explain to your mom how you got your ass handed to you by a vacuum.” Bucky added.

Roomba seemed to have heard this and chirped angrily at Steve. Bucky and Sam assumed he was cussing out Captain America.

“Language Roomba!!” Steve growled. “You’re lucky they are holding me back cause if they weren’t, you would be dead right now!”

Bucky and Sam began to pull Steve away. “C’mon pal! Let’s not get into a squabble with a pancake.” Bucky said as the group giggled.

“Roomba isn’t a pancake!!” Bruce whined.

Dum-E and Butterfingers soon went into hiding whenever they saw Roomba and that’s when the team knew this robot was going to be trouble.

##  **—————————**

“TONY!! BRUCE!! GET IN HERE NOW!!” Sam cackled. “YOU GOTTA SEE THIS!!!”

“Uh oh...let’s hope this isn’t an Ultron disaster...” Tony said. 

“I thought you said that wouldn’t happen!”

“Oops...did I say no promises before that?”

“NO YOU DIDN’T!!!”

Tony looked nervous for a second but quickly spoke. “NEVER MIND! Let’s go see what is happening!”

The two took off and ended up in the common room surrounded by a group of laughing Avengers. Turning the corner, they saw Clint...without any pants on. Bruce and Tony were super confused at first but then put two and two together when they saw Roomba zoom by chirping happily while holding Clint’s pants. Dum-E didn’t sound impressed and Butterfingers was probably shaking his head if he even had one.

“What...the...fuck??” Tony asked. 

“AAAHAHAHAHA!! ROOMBA JUST STOLE MR. BARTON’S PANTS AND WAS LIKE ‘YEEEETTTT’!!” Peter laughed as he fell to the floor with Bucky and Sam who already were rolling on the floor. 

“Aw come on man!! This ain’t cool!!” Clint whined. “ROOMBA!! GIMME MY GODDAMN PANTS ALREADY!! I DON’T HAVE ANY UNDERWEAR ON!!!”

“WHAT??” Natasha and Wanda shrieked. 

“You basically go commando?!?!” Rhodey gasped. 

“Is that normal?!” Steve asked.

“It’s easier to breathe down there...” Clint squeaked as carefully avoided the Avengers in a laughing pile on the floor. “DON’T LOOK AT MY DICK!!”

“CLINT BARTON!!” Natasha shouted.

“A CHILD IS PRESENT!!” Tony shouted as he covered Peter’s ears.

“THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS ROBOT BRUCE!! IT’S THE BEST THING EVER!!” Bucky cackled as he snorted in between words.

“Uhhh...you’re welcome?” Bruce replied, confused as to what the hell even happened. 

##  **—————————**

“DAMMIT BRUCE WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO WITH THIS ROBOT???” came Tony’s frantic screams at an ungodly hour. 

“What...?” Bruce asked as he rubbed his eyes. 

“GET DOWN HERE AND SEE WHAT THE FUCK YOUR SPONGECAKE IS DOING!” Tony hollered. 

“Tony, it’s three in the morning and you are gonna wake everyone....WHAT THE HELL???!?!?!” 

Tony gave Bruce a patronizing look. The “cute” little roomba was drawing...really bad things on the walls. Tony literally would’ve died in laugher at the dick drawings if there wasn’t another drawing that showed someone being murdered.

“Ohhhh...uhhh...please tell me we don’t have an Ultron like situation...” Bruce said. “I seriously don’t wanna turn into the green monster again...”

“I thought you made peace with the Green Bean??”

“Well, it’s a bit more complicated than that...”

“Fair enough and no. This isn’t an Ultron situation...if it is I think I would call it a Vultron situation.”

“Jesus Christ Tony! That was AWFUL!!” 

Bucky and Steve suddenly appeared in the doorway and gasped at the sight they were met with. A little robot painting dicks and images of murder on the walls was totally not disturbing at three in the morning.

“I don’t think that’s normal behavior of a robot...” Steve muttered.

“What the hell...?” Bucky gasped as his jaw fell to the floor. 

“Please tell me this isn’t an Ultron like situation Tony...” Steve grumbled. 

“I told this to Bruce and I will tell this to you and Barnes, this isn’t an Ultron situation. If it was I would call it Vultron.”

“Oh my God that is a terrible name, even for you Stark!” Bucky groaned. 

“Thanks...I appreciate that...” Tony deadpanned. 

“What will be next? Roomba will start drawing conclusions that Hydra will come for us?” Bucky asked. 

“And tell us that zombies are real?” Steve added. 

The little robot suddenly hurled a paint can at the four and they all stopped chatting. Roomba chirped in an angry way and the group suddenly saw the green light turn red. 

“Oh shit!” Bruce gasped. “TONY WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO THAT THING??”

“I JUST GAVE IT A FUNCTION!! IT CAN THINK AND UNDERSTAND WHAT WE SAY!!” 

“YOU SAID THIS WASN’T AN ULTRON LIKE SITUATION AND YOU SAID THAT WOULDN’T HAPPEN AGAIN!!”

“Guys? He is drawing a large ass dick on the wall...what is Pepper going to think?” Bucky asked.

“Maybe this is due to it being the witching hour??” Steve suggested. “It is three in the morning...”

“Oh shit...didn’t think about that...” Tony groaned. “Why did you even buy that thing Bruce??”

“I told you, Roomba is cute!!” Bruce replied.

Roomba gave an adorable chirp but was currently drawing a knife on the wall. The robot did look innocent, but the dicks and murder drawings on the wall told them a different story.

“Alright Roomba, we need to clean the walls before Tony’s wife comes down here and kicks our asses.” Bruce spoke in baby talk as he pat the little robot who chirped angrily.

“No! We need to clean the wall!” Tony scolded. “You aren’t that cute you little pancake!”

Roomba began to chirp angrily and began shooting little bits of debris at Tony while Steve and Bucky started laughing.

“Ugghhh!! What the...OH MY OKAY...WHAT THE SHIT IS HAPPENING?!?” Sam gasped as he saw the dick drawings and murder drawings along with Roomba attacking Tony.

“I’m beginning to think this robot has Disassociative Identity Disorder...” Bruce grumbled, his scientific side coming in. “You’re on your own Tony. I’m heading out.”

“Same...” Steve and Bucky quipped.

“Uhhh...I guess I will help?” Sam replied very unsure if he wanted to.

Roomba suddenly began to chuck things at Sam. Not expecting this bullshit, Sam began slurring a fury of colorful words and fell on his ass.

“HOLY FUCK!! THIS THING HAS GONE MAD!! WHO DID SHIT TO YOU?!? DID YOU SEE STEVE AND BUCKY FUCKING IN THEIR BEDROOM?!?” Sam shouted.

“TMI?????” Tony and Bruce groaned.

“Sorry...I just said the first thing that came into my mind...”

“Why is THAT the first hypothetical situation you come up with every time?!?” Natasha grumbled from the doorway.

“Because I maybe happened to WALK IN ON THEM?!?” Sam shouted as the robot suddenly flung itself on top of him. “GET IT OFF!! GET IT OFFFFF!!!”

Now the whole team was in the lab watching Sam be attacked by a little frisbee looking robot.

“What the fuck Sam?” Clint asked. “What the hell did you too to that thing?”

“I DIDN’T DO SHIT TO THIS PANCAKE!” Sam cried.

“SEE?!? I TOLD YOU IT LOOKED LIKE A PANCAKE BRUCE!” Tony exclaimed in victory.

“Oh shut up! Come here Roomba!” Bruce called and the little bot obeyed.

“Jesus Christ...” Peter breathed as he shook his head. “I’m going to bed...maybe next time don’t scream for the whole world to hear...”

“Yeah. We could probably hear you from Germany...” Wanda added.

“Sorry...” Sam muttered.

##  **—————————**

“GOD DAMMIT!! BRUCE!! WE GOTTA HAVE A LITTLE CHAT ABOUT THIS ROBOT!! GUYS HOLY FUCK HELP ME!!”

Steve’s panicked shouting and surprising cuss words let all the team know that something was wrong.

“What the GET AWAY FROM MY STEVIE!!” Bucky growled as he suddenly kicked the robot like a soccer ball.

“Bucky what the fuck?!?” Sam gasped. “Why did you kick it?!?”

“It was sticking something up Steve’s pants!!” Bucky hissed. “Only I can stick something in...”

“OKAYYYYYY!!!” Tony shouted, not wanting to hear about the super soldier’s sex life. “Bruce, we are getting rid of that thing.”

“What, why?” Bruce asked.

“Your little pet just shoved its robotic arm up my pants while I was sleeping!!” Steve spat. “I don’t know what he was getting at!!”

“Wait, where’d the monstrosity go?!?” Tony asked.

“Alpine?” Bruce asked.

“No! Your damn robot!”

“Why is Roomba the monstrosity?”

“Because it drew dicks and murder pictures on our walls!” Tony hissed.

Alpine suddenly ran into the room screeching and yowling. The group was confused until they saw Roomba holding a fucking pair of scissors.

“Oh no!! Alpine!!” Steve and Bucky gasped. The poor cat now looked like a lion. “Oh!!! What did Roomba do to you?!?”

“WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?” Peter screamed as he saw the fluffy, little white kitten run by looking like a lion. “THAT’S SO SAD BUT HILARIOUS!! WHO DID THAT?!?”

“Roomba...” the team groaned.

“Oh...okay, can we please get rid of that robot? I caught the robot staring at me last night. He...or she is creepy as hell.” Peter snorted.

The little roomba suddenly became angry again and started chucking knives from the fucking kitchen.

“HOLY GOD!!! MOTHER OF THOR SOMEONE GET ROOMBA TO TAKE A CHILL PILL!!” Peter cried as he avoided all the knives.

“ULTRON LIKE SITUATION!! ULTRON LIKE SITUATION!!” Wanda cried.

“THIS ISN’T AN...” Tony began.

“Tony, it is! Now help us stop this murder pancake!” Bucky snapped as the team ended up playing a game of hide and seek with a raging roomba.

“WANDA, WHERE IS VISION WHEN WE NEED HIM?!?” Steve asked as he threw his shield at Roomba while Bucky threw a frying pan at the robot.

“WHAT MADE YOU THINK WHACKING THAT THING WITH A PAN WAS A GOOD IDEA?!?” Sam snapped.

“NO TIME TO THINK!!”

“Pffft!!! Well it wasn’t smart...”

“Neither are you pea brain!”

“CAN SOMEONE GIMME A HAND HERE?!?” Steve growled as he was suddenly thrown and trapped under a table.

Bucky disconnected his arm and tossed it to Steve without realizing how much he actually needs it. Sam burst out laughing given the look on Steve’s face.

“THIS IS NOT WHAT I MEANT BUCK!!!” Steve hissed.

“Oh shit...WAIT I NEED THAT!!” Bucky gasped, making Sam laugh harder.

Steve rolled his eyes so hard Bucky swore that if he rolled them anymore, those ocean blue eyes would fall out. He tossed the arm back to Bucky and watched as Sam helped Bucky re-attach the arm.

“SHIHIHIT!! THAT IS HILARIOUS!!” Sam cried.

“No time to be laughing Sam, get up and fight that robot!” Clint shouted as he slapped Sam, Steve and Bucky on the ass.

“OIY!! HEY!!” the three shouted.

With Roomba going nuts, the team literally had no clue what was happening. They needed Vision badly since he was the one who could understand robotic chirps.

“Where the fuck is Vision?!?” Rhodey asked. “I don’t wanna keep running from a robot who can light my ass on fire!”

“I can bring my bird friends...” Sam suggested.

“You’ll have a bunch of fried pigeons if you do and when that does happen, Alpine will probably eat them and Bucky won’t stop you.” Rhodey deadpanned as Sam changed the subject.

“God!! Where the hell is Vis?” Wanda asked.

“I dunno you tell me!” Clint replied as he dodged a knife. “How the hell is that robot getting all those knives?!?”

“TONY! I’M OUT I WILL HULK OUT SOON!!” Bruce cried as he took off running. 

“You little shit!” Tony growled as he shot at Roomba.

“Okay, this will be easy, like chasing a chicken.” Bucky muttered to Steve.

“Oh! No! You said you wouldn’t bring that memory up ever again!!” Steve gasped.

“Really? Did I? I’m sorry I can’t remember. Seventy years as a brainless murder bot remember?” Bucky chuckled as they dodged a knife.

“Seriously! Why do you have to bring up the memory of me chasing a chicken when I was ten?!?”

“Umm...cause you chased the chicken and then it began to chase you?”

“That’s not funny Buck...”

“IHIHIT IS TO MEHEHEE!!” Bucky laughed as he tossed Steve out in the open. “Go chase your chicken!”

“BUCKY! That isn’t even a chicken! That’s an angry OH-OHMYGOSH IT HAS A GUN!!”

“What the...OH MY GOSH IT DOES!!” Bucky gasped as he saw the little robot with a fucking gun.

“TONY!! WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO THIS ROBOT?!?” Natasha shouted from her place behind a bookshelf. “I SWEAR IF YOU GAVE IT SECURITY CONTROLS...”

“Okay, I may or may not have gave it a function to protect people...like how I did to Ultron...” Tony admitted.

“TONY!!!” the original Avengers shouted.

“Wait! Who is...” before Bucky could ask, Vision came in and stepped in front of the roomba who began to chirp.

“So, he says he was mixed with a partial program of Ultron and now is a servant for Ultron...good job Stark.” Vision said.

“TONYYYYY!!!” Steve groaned. “I thought we were done making murder robots!!”

“Well I didn’t know!!”

“You made Ultron and you used a partial programming of that psychopath to add to a little pancake looking vacuum cleaner?!?” Rhodey snapped.

“Friday told me it wouldn’t harm anyone!”

“Don’t pull me into this boss!” the A.I. suddenly butted in.

“And did she tell you that cows can jump over the moon??” Wanda asked.

“Or or that the moon is made of cheese?” Natasha snickered.

“OKAY! I get it!! No more robots!” Tony groaned.

“You know something...I don’t even know who this Ultron bitch is!” Bucky snapped.

“He’s a psychotic robot who tried to kill of the entire human race back in 2014.” Steve gasped as he was tossed into another table.

“Steve, stop being tossed into tables before I do that myself...” Bucky deadpanned.

“How do we....” Before Clint could even finish, Vision suddenly flew out of the compound with Roomba in hand.

“Well...that’s one way to do it...” Sam commented. “GOOD JOB VISION!! IF ONLY YOU CAME A FEW HOURS EARLIER WHEN HE WAS SEXUALLY HARASSING CAP AND SHOVING SHIT UP HIS PANTS!!”

“Where is he going...?” Rhodey asked.

“Don’t know...” Tony replied. “Gosh...Pepper is gonna kill us...”

Clint looked around at the mess they made fighting a small robot and choked. “She will lose it if she finds out all this was caused by a little roomba...”

“Damn right...well...guess Bruce and I have a lot of explaining to do...” Tony chuckled.

“More like you do...” Peter grumbled. “YOU were the one to program it according to Dr. Banner!”

“Pete, I didn’t program it to...”

“It WATCHED me while I slept and it chased me if I had to pee! That’s why I ran into Mr. Barnes’s room the other night and slept in his bed with him and Mr. Rogers!”

“You seriously did that??”

“Mhm...” Steve said.

“Not a joke. Roomba terrified him. OH MY GOSH!! WHERE’S ALPINE?!?” Bucky gasped. “Alpine?? C’mere kitty!!”

A soft meow suddenly came from under the couch. Poor Alpine was shaking and hesitantly crawled out to Bucky.

“Oh the poor thing!!” Wanda gasped. “What did Roomba do to her??”

“She looks like a lion now...” Sam snorted before Alpine angrily hissed at him. “Never mind!! More like a angry snowball...”

Alpine leaped off of Bucky’s chest and began chasing Sam around the common room. Bruce managed to calm down and came into this scene and frowned.

“Did Roomba turn into a kitten?” he asked.

“No...Vision flew out of the compound with it. Apparently Stark added partial Ultron programming in there.” Natasha scoffed.

“TONY!! YOU SAID THIS WASN’T AN ULTRON LIKE INCIDENT!!” Bruce growled.

“IT WAS NOT!! THIS BOT WAS MORE OF A PERV THAN ULTRON!!”

“IT STILL IS A PART OF ULTRON!!” the team shouted.

“OKAY!! I GET IT!!”

Vision suddenly flew back into the compound looking mortified. “I...took care of the roomba...”

“And??” the team pressed.

“It was an out of control robot. Literally...I got shot by it eighty five times while flying it to Antarctica.” Vision replied. “I don’t know who the heck programmed it to shoot a gun...”

“Why Antarctica out of all places?” Tony asked.

“So it freezes.” Vision replied. “Once Roomba is frozen, the Ultron programming won’t be able to find us.”

“Alright, we need some house rules!” Bucky grumbled as he sat on the broken couch. “First, Bruce, NO MORE ROBOTS!! Second, Tony, GET RID OF ALL THE FUCKING PROGRAMMINGS RELATED TO ULTRON!!”

A chirping noise suddenly caught the team’s attention. Bruce’s face paled.

“Is this a bad time to mention that I got more robots??” he asked as about fifteen to twenty little robots rounded the corner chasing Butterfingers with Dum-E angrily chirping and cussing Bruce for getting more.

“Oh dear...” Vision muttered.

“There’s too many robots here...” Steve sighed.

“Way too many robots.” Bucky added as Sam came running down the hallways screaming with Alpine following close behind him.


End file.
